Managing Hatred

As a BPD sufferer I find myself shifting through a plethora of different emotions throughout the day.  I find the easiest of all emotions to identify is the feeling of hate.  Hate can come in many different strains for me, and the period for which  my hate for someone remains is flexible.  What I am starting to realise though is that a lot of the hate I feel towards people is usually very irrational.

A few examples here.  I genuinely hate a number of British TV personalities.  I absolutely loath them.  There are a number of celebrity figures who irk me, and I can distinguish between annoyance and absolute detest.  I have no real reason to hate these people, although they often are a similar breed of celebrity.  To name a few;  Carol Vordeman, Lesley Garrett, Alex Jones.  There are plenty more but those three have stuck in my mind today.  If I were to dig a little deeper there are a few commonalities between the three, but I'll avoid going in to analysis of that now.

In my day-to-day life I often find myself going through periods of hating those that are truly close to me.  I find it difficult to accept that at times I feel hatred towards them, and quite often for only a very minor offense.  I suppose the best example of this irrationality is the relationship I have with my dogs.  I've just returned from a short-walk with them (I have a 4 and a half month old border terrier puppy, and an eighteen month old fox terrier-jack russell cross) and during the walk they both did a few things which irritated me to the point that I felt hatred towards them.  The older dog barks at anything that moves.  The younger dog has a habit of getting under my feet and tripping me up.  Sitting here now, I can see clearly that those things are just their little quirks.  They're not intentionally setting out to upset me.  They're two adorable dogs who are being just that.  At the time of the walk though I really hated them.  It felt like they were mocking me and purposely trying to annoy me.

The point I'm trying to make is that it's very easy to hate those around you when you're blinded by the strong emotions BPD can dredge up, but if you take a step back and look at the bigger picture it's not the person, or in the example above, the animal, you're hating.  It's the behaviour.  In an ideal world the feeling of hate would never emerge,  but even reaching a point where the two can be separated as an immediate reaction would make the world that bit brighter.